Before Metastasis
After my initial cancer diagnosis in 2019, God gave me three years of health. I recognized the incredible difference of having a normal quantity of blood. My energy level felt wonderful. And because of my sickness, God taught me to appreciate things that I previously had taken for granted. I had never thanked Him for a full blood supply before. I returned to regularly running with my neighbor, paddle boarding, and swimming – all with a absolute gratitude to God for being able to do them. He truly redeems all things for good. Additionally He increased my understanding of suffering, so I could better empathize with those around me going through difficulties.
Metastasis
In February 2023 I had my routine cancer surveillance scans and bloodwork. All those who have endured a cancer diagnosis, understand the surveillance schedule of regular blood work and scans. Although my results were in the normal range, I noticed a difference in my running. My stamina wasn’t the same. My running partner and I were training for a half marathon and I couldn’t keep up.
Then in May, a few days before my oldest’s high school graduation, I went to the ER with terrible abdominal pain. That pain resulted in a scan of my abdomen, which showed a recent gallbladder attack. But as anyone who has had cancer will tell you, whenever a new health concern surfaces, you will always wonder if it is cancer. So I asked the nice ER doctor if there was any new evidence of cancer. And when she winced, I knew my fears were now realized. Cancer had returned. The doctor confirmed that there was an unexpected finding of the likely metastasis of cancer to my liver.
Although it took some time to appreciate, God saved my life yet again. Had He not given me a gallbladder attack, this metastasis wouldn’t have been seen for months. The cancer would have been very advanced by that time. Again, God demonstrated to me that He alone determines the number of my days.
The hospital preformed numerous tests as well as a scheduled liver biopsy. Unfortunately, it took a few days to get the biopsy. Thankfully, our good God gave me complete peace by manifesting the prayers of many friends and my Bible Study Fellowship sisters. Because of the delay, God gave me the opportunity to share my faith with my health caretakers. God further encouraged me through my daily Bible reading in 2 Corinthians 1 and Psalm 18.
Here is an excerpt of 2 Corinthians 1:
“8 . . . We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.” My scheduled reading plan literally had these verses to read while I waited in the hospital. How incredibly personal our God is to gift me these comforting verses during my initial metastasis diagnosis.
Liver Biopsy
After my biopsy, I went home and had unexpected pain. Typically, the recovery is quick from a needle core biopsy procedure. Instead, I went home with pretty intense abdominal pain. Every time I bent over, my abdominal muscles spasmed. Also, sedation is normal for the procedure, but I remained wide awake and completely lucid. The doctor expressed exasperation from the beginning of the procedure, speaking rudely to the other medical staff. At one point during the procedure, he exclaimed that he went too far. In spite of this disconcerting experience, God gave me faith and peace. I knew I could trust His sovereign hand and cling to the truth that He works good from all things.
When we received the biopsy results, they confirmed that the original colon cancer now metastasized to my liver. Though these results were not what we hoped, we leaned on what God had taught us before, “how impossible is God’s specialty, God’s power is made perfect in weakness, and how He manifests the prayers of His people.”
Treatment #1 – Abdominal Surgery
My second cancer surgery was scheduled in early June 2023 almost exactly four years to the day of my initial colon resection surgery. This time the surgery included the removal of part of my liver and other parts of my body susceptible to cancer as well as placement of a chemo port. Two surgeons worked in conjunction during my surgery. By this time, God grew me to trust the promptings He placed on my heart. God nudged me to ask one of my new surgeons whether he believed in God as my very first question. Truthfully, I had no intention of asking Him this, but it popped into my head and I knew it was from God. And the shocked surgeon answered that yes, He believed in God. Then I shared a bit of my story and how God had saved my life. Although we didn’t know it at the time, God had plans to save my life again.
However, facing another cancer surgery is still daunting. And this time I knew firsthand the challenge of surgical recovery and upcoming chemo. In spite of it all, God continued to grow and stretch my faith and teach me to fully rely on His power and His strength instead of relying on my own. And when I went into the pre-operative room, I knew my caring friends covered me in prayer. Unexpectedly, after my husband left the room and even my glasses were removed, the nurses announced that one of the consent forms for my surgery still needed to be signed. Before they could do anything else, one of my surgeons needed to come to my room for my signed consent. They paged her multiple times as I laid in the dark room alone to wait. As I felt fear creep in, God miraculously and graciously gave me peace as I recited one Bible verse after another.
Finally, the surgeon sheepishly came into my room. She clearly expected me to yell at her, but God miraculously gave me a gracious attitude. After I signed the form, this seasoned surgeon stopped and with a smile on her face said that my attitude was just amazing. I smiled at her and said, it wasn’t me, it was God and people praying for me. I will always remember her response to me. “Whatever it is, it’s amazing.” Our good God continued to show Himself.
The surgery went perfectly as planned until they tried to place the chemo port. Instead of placing it in the vein, they accidentally tried to place the port in my artery instead. The rupture in my artery now placed my life in peril. An emergency phone call was made to the vascular surgeon on call. Unfortunately, this surgeon was already in emergency surgery. Thankfully, the second backup surgeon came and our good God used him to save my life again. This talented surgeon placed a permanent titanium stent in my artery. As a result of this life-threatening mistake, my scheduled three hour surgery ended up being over eight hours. My poor family remained in the waiting room without any updates. At last, the surgeons came out to tell my waiting family of the surgical mistake and that they hoped they caught it in time before permanent brain damage happened. While my family received the difficult news, I woke up to a resident crying over me and saying how sorry she was. God miraculously made me conscious enough to comfort her and tell her I was alright and that it was ok. It is extremely rare to be completely lucid after general anesthesia and even more rare to remember the encounter. This resident tearfully relayed the mistake with the port as she checked me for signs of stroke. God had me reassure her over and over that I was ok and it was ok. Truly amazing!
When the doctors and nurses checked on my progress the following morning, God gave me the words to say. Instead of being angry and bitter, God told me to call them lifesavers and to say God alone controls life and death. I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t fully obey God in that moment. I only said over and over that they were all lifesavers. I noticed the young resident from the day before among them. She asked if I recognized her. I didn’t want to bring attention to her mistake to the crowd, so I just looked at her and smiled. When I remember back, God gave me incredible joy and peace during that recovery. It was truly miraculous.
On my scheduled discharge day, I noticed some vision changes and asked my nurse about it. The nurse mentioned it to the doctors, but I was discharged anyway. Throughout those first couple days at home, I felt worse and worse. Finally on the 3rd day home, I put myself to bed early and asked God to make it clear if I should call the doctors. Immediately, after praying I had the sensation of extreme vertigo and dizziness. So I called and God gifted me an incredibly kind doctor who advised me that I needed to go to the ER immediately. We weren’t excited to do this because it was getting late and we would be going to the large and very busy university hospital emergency room.
Stroke
When we arrived, they gave me a variety of tests as they tried to find answers. It was an extremely eventful night because for some reason unbeknownst to us and even the doctors, the nurse placed us in the psych ward. Specialty doctor after specialty doctor came to look at me. Some of these tests were extremely challenging because I was just a week out of surgery and very weak and tender. Finally, at 6 am the next morning they scheduled a brain MRI. This MRI showed that I had a small stroke. The stroke doctors told me that the stroke was seven days old and had likely happened during surgery. They gave me the option of being admitted to the hospital stroke ward or going home. The stroke doctor said it could take days or months to heal. I opted to go home.
The stroke ended up taking longer to heal. My sweet daughter sacrificed getting a summer job and instead took care of me. It was the hardest recovery I had to date. I struggled with walking because of balance issues and each day I woke up with extreme vertigo. In order to walk I needed to hold onto something stationary or another person’s arm. If I didn’t look straight ahead, I lost my balance. Although my mind knew what my body needed to do, I didn’t have control. It was very frustrating and a bit maddening. Day after day, I had no improvement. As a result my scheduled chemotherapy had to be postponed an additional month. My oncologist would not proceed with chemotherapy until my dizziness and balance issues resolved. Once again, God continued to transform my understanding of suffering and I now have extreme compassion to any stroke victim.
Treatment #2 Chemotherapy
At last my oncologist deemed me healthy enough for chemo. However, because of the failed chemo port placement, I had to have a external PICC line surgically placed in my upper left arm. The medical team decided not to attempt another chemo port placement on my left side because the blood thinners I was on would make a port procedure dangerous. Because one of my chemotherapies needed to be given over a 46 hour period, it couldn’t be given intravenously. Unfortunately, the PICC line procedure proved difficult because the resident had trouble accessing the correct vein. Miraculously, God allowed me to stay calm and still. I had to be conscious for the entire procedure and given my recent surgical experience, this was even more difficult. Eventually, the supervising physician placed the PICC line successfully. Without any time for me to process, I went straight to chemotherapy for my first infusion.
This chemotherapy regimen included the same one that sent me to the hospital four years earlier due to a reaction. My oncologist hoped I could tolerate it because I would receive a more frequent lower dose. Thankfully, the first infusion went fine. The second one however was incredibly rough. I ended up having a reaction that wasn’t noticed right away because I was wearing a mask. My face was covered in a rash and my hands started to itch and burn. Thankfully, the nurses reversed it, but not before my entire body started to react spectacularly. My whole body convulsed and I needed the restroom repeatedly. Sadly, this happened on my poor husband’s birthday. I ended up leaving the hospital in a wheelchair. However, I improved rapidly and by the time I got home, I took a walk around the park.
My medical team decided to try and give this same chemotherapy regimen to me one more time. The prevention plan included preloading me with steroids that I had to take all through the night and into the morning. I received the treatment at the clinic without issue. Unfortunately, the next day I ended up in the ER because my face and throat started to swell. Mercifully, they successfully reversed this reaction. At this point, the oncologist decided to end the treatment of this chemo, but was willing to give it to me if I wanted it. I didn’t. I had three more rounds with the remaining part of the chemo regimen before the recommended dosage was complete. Gratefully, God blessed me without any PICC line issues and very mild chemo side effects for my remaining treatment. I was very thankful. Throughout this time, God used me to encourage the many health care professionals God gifted me by sharing His provision throughout my cancer journey. Also, God gave me great favor with the nurses and that made treatment so much easier.
Treatment #3 Radiation
Although we were hopeful to get a break from cancer treatment, my next round of scans showed suspicious spots on my lungs. My oncologist suggested we watch and wait till my next scan. Although it wasn’t what we hoped, the next scan showed even more growth. My oncologist referred me to a very kind radiation oncologist who scheduled me to receive 5 treatments every other day. He also found two additional spots to be treated. We readily agreed to treat them, trying to be as aggressive as possible.
In preparation for the treatments, my body had to be lined up perfectly for the high energy radiation beams to hit their intended targets. This required an extensive appointment where I was repeatedly placed in a CT scanner. They also placed 3 tiny tattoos on my chest and abdomen – my very first. The radiation technologists explained my treatment. It required lying on my back on a narrow table with my arms extended above and behind my head. Because of the precision necessary for the pinpoint treatment, I couldn’t move. For each treatment the table would be raised in the air, so that the machine could circle my entire body. Because my lungs were being treated, it required a breath hold in exactly the same range each time. Unfortunately, this proved very difficult for me mentally and emotionally. Thankfully, God gave me the idea to practice breath holds and simultaneously recite the 23rd Psalm. Each spot took about 20 minutes or more as I had to repeat these same breath holds.
During my second treatment time, my shoulder went into a painful spasm. Unfortunately, I also experienced nausea. The radiation oncologist told me it wasn’t a typical response. Out of my frustration, I asked him – do you know how many oncologists I’ve heard that from? He kindly responded that they would treat me as a special case. After multiple attempts at repositioning me, they ended up scrapping my second treatment session entirely. This was really hard on me and challenged me to again trust God for things I didn’t understand.
Thankfully, the next four treatments, though difficult for me, were successful. I remember thinking that only a miracle could make these treatments successful, given how I continually struggled to maintain that perfect breath hold. Thankfully, God gifted me repeated clean scans on my lungs. Again, God continued to show me His Sovereignty.
After treatment, I unexpectedly developed significant radiation burns all over my back. Again, this had the radiation oncologist scratching his head. Typically, no one has these side effects. The burns were unlike any burn I had experienced before. There was no redness or visible blisters. My skin just felt a thousand degrees to the touch. Apparently, radiation burns can go below the surface of the skin. I couldn’t tolerate a shirt on my back and had my family repeatedly douse me with pure aloe vera. On top of the burns, I got a case of shingles. This was difficult to distinguish from the burns. Thankfully, it eventually all healed and I was given a break from treatment.
I enjoyed the whole summer with my family and started a job at a local faith-based pregnancy center. I even competed in a 5K six weeks after my last radiation treatment. What an incredible gift!!